The Like A Virgin Approach

Precision is defined as a straight line according to the dictionary of LIFE. Any slight aversion from 180 degrees sticks out like bellies after Thanksgiving dinner. Whether the line be thin or thick, it's form is absolutely perfect, neatly compacted, together, and everything just FITS. I aim for straight lines in everything I do in life, thus my mantra "Straight, no chaser."**oohhmmm*** It seems easiest to navigate life in a straight line, although loopy, curvy, and zig zagging lines sneak their way into my gps system. Anything other than a straight line feels like a detour and for so many reasons, I loathe detours...easier to get lost this way(make a mistake) or better yet, forget where you are going. Life has taught me that it is foolish to make mistakes. Yes, imagine that, feeling the stupidity of a teenaged girl in love for doing that which is only and undeniably human...making mistakes. Can mistakes be avoided? Sometimes yes but many times NO. Therein lies the conflict. Feeling like a wretch for being a sinner but having no power to stop the sin. oh Christianity, where have you been all my life?! Life...a grandiose invention, as I've detoured even in this very moment *chuckle*.

Let's talk it straight. There comes a time in a relationship or datership where you have to discontinue the production of anything "romantic" happening betweeen you two because it's just not as lucrative as it used to be. Sometimes both parties arrive at this point simultaneously and other times, somebody took off running like Flo Jo while the other person decided to stroll. Unfortunately, no matter who gets there first, once this destination is reached, change-a-cometh! If you are a die-hard Mentadent fan as I am, you can connect this experience with the day you went into the store to find they'd phased out a large selection of flavors for the best toothpaste in the world and what used to take up a whole shelf was now confined to a dark cubby sized corner, near the back. And the boxes are always bent. I digress...enough of the zig zagging already!


Here's the problem, men are horrible at cutting off the romance...possibly women too but I don't date them so you XY's out there will have to fill me in. Let's take a journey down the road of how the average man handles "cutting off the romance." First his availability becomes inconsistent. You call or text and what used to be an instant response now takes an hour or hourS. Message: You are no longer a priority. Problem: Women don't know if it's because of work, or a recent shift in his responsibilities that this is happening so it would be best for men to notify us upfront as to the reasons for their involuntary modifications in our communication schedule *side eye* So what does a woman do? Only a miserable woman would automatically assume the man's not into her anymore because she's not expecting him to genuinely want her anyway, but a confident woman won't jump to this conclusion. What she will do is simply ask him about it when she speaks with him next time and what will he do? Most of them will succumb to that little devil with red horns on their shoulder that says "be selfish, wait this out in case Laqwuanda stops frying chicken every night" and they'll say "Oh nah, I've just been real busy." SIGH. This is when the smart woman begins taking notes.




Second, his disinterest will not improve, it will get worse. However in the process, he will have avoided you like the plague, leaving many mixed emotions and estranged feelings in the process. He will have continued to lie about his whereabouts and going's on's and give you 1/4 of what used to be 1 whole all while making the confused face whenever you happen to vocalize his behavior changes. Then the final straw, he does something silly like changes his social networking site status to "in a relationship" or to "single" or even more common you begin to feel the consistent presence of some other woman who's name and face become revealed. He doesn't notify YOU of any of these changes personally, but feels the need to broadcast it to the millions of social networkers around the websphere. Undoubtedly, pain will be even the more profound as it couples itself with not only disappointment but disrespect. It's difficult enough to say goodbye to something before you are ready, the added stress of broken record dissing in the meantime is not necessary. It tears down bridges of friendships, and builds up skyscrapers of resentment and hatred. FYI: It tis also bad for your Karma.

I've heard many excuses from "he is trying to spare her feelings" (right by making her feel psychotic when she notices that in your world 2 plus 2 is not equalling 4) to "he's trying to take time to decide what to do about her" (cute but it don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine). Whatever the case, it doesn't matter why...what matters most is HOW. Usually the "why" can't be changed and fate would have it that way because what is meant to be will be but the "how" is unquestionably a function under our control. If you choose to have sex with a virgin, it is YOUR responsibility to take it slow and be gentle not "bust it wide open and tell her bring it back!" This means that even if the situation is uncomfortable for both parties, if you choose it, you are responsible for handling it correctly. Be honest, gentle, and purposeful. When a man is having sex with a virgin, he never loses sight of the goal but he remains sensitive to and keenly aware of every move he makes to get there. He thinks it through and aims to put her in as less discomfort as possible, he even comforts her along the way. Most importantly, he considers how his actions are making her feel. Yes it may still hurt but the pain endured will be much more tolerable if she has been treated well in the process. All I ask is not that you never leave but that when you are here, you respect me as you yourself would want your own daughter to be respected. I advise you to adopt the "Like A Virgin" Approach today...it's good for your karma!