B.E.T.: The Coonification of the Negro

These are my confessions...I'm a coon, a baffonic nigger, a genetic disaster of a jolly black giant-nappy-headed-mammy-with-swollen-lips-and syrup on my teeth-girl in the world. Thats what I am and I know because the B.E.T. tells me so.

I'm not sure about the rest of the nappy-headed professionals of the world, but during this moment in life, an award from BET is equivalent to a Good Citizenship Award from the Prison Warden. To even enjoy such an honor one has to be caged in a space called FAILURE. Which is exactly the triple score word to describe the BET Awards show. In light of the death of the King of Pop, the world tuned into Black Entertainment Televison to bear witness to our testimony of the goodness of one of our own. So as we took the stage, what did we have to say to the outsiders? That Michael Jackson wasn't clearly that much of an entertainer since a man who has NEVER been respected for his dancing ability was given a spot to perform an MJ routine and Michael's song performances where left to be crooned by the lesser of the industry's vocally talented. All this done in bits and pieces that felt just as discombobulated as a triangle atop a circle, creating a puzzle of puzzled thoughts. But please understand that they only had three days and it is close to impossible for a network that employs more people than the unemployment office and has a budget the size of Michael Jacksons estate to put together a decent tribute to the artist with the highest selling album, right? Right on! Don't think for one minute that the network was not aware of it's ability to capitalize off MJ's passing hence the repetitive torture of the Tiny and Toya commercial almost succeeded by the Neffie and Frankie spot. Yes it makes more sense to promote these shows as opposed to showing a slideshow of MJ photos, performaces, etc....you know something like what people post on Youtube everyday? Oops, lest we not forget, they didn't have the time.

This travesty was fell short of the gratification desired. We then had to prove to the world that our little black girls relish in the sweet nothings of a man who tells her "I wish I could f*ck every girl in the world." At least we provided Americans and those abroad with a logical reason for why we have single-handedly birthed the babydaddy phenomenon. As you can see, we learned in our adolescences that our men must "f*ck every girl in the world" and this should make us estastic enough to shake what our mama's gave us.

However, I'm here to deal with a much larger issue and that is the enslavement of my people by my people. It seems in our effort to find our identity we have gone entirely too far back to our roots, because yes Africans had African slaves too and right now today I feel owned by B.E.T.! I'm here to take issue with the name B.E.T. wears...Black Entertainment Television. With a fall line-up that consists mostly of people who can't even survive Hoodlife but have been born again into Hollywoodlife, might I express that I have never been more ashamed of my status as a Black woman. I pondered, as Michael Jackson obviously did, bleaching my skin and adopting white children in hopes that no one will notice I'm one of them. By one of them I mean, the crackhead, or the alcoholic, or the gold-digger, or the gossip harlot. I have to be identified as Black because every application I fill-out tells me so, therefore when you label anything with the word "Black," it is automatically understood that you are talking about me! Imagine my disgust at the thought of sitting in a classroom full of asians and caucasians wondering if they think my mama is a crackhead too..you do know that more than Black people watch B.E.T. right? This population of non-Blacks who watch B.E.T. are the of the most concern because they are more than likely the ones who don't have close contact or relationships with Black people so they watch our channel to better understand us. I resent the message that B.E.T. is sending to the world about me, my loved ones, my brothers and sisters who grind hard with integrity on the daily. The shows in their fall line-up are poisonous not only for outsiders but for our children who are also learning what it means to be "Black." B.E.T. has taken it too far and is therby misrepresenting the Black people they claim to be entertaining.

The solution is simple, change your programming or change your name. If you think I will sit idly by and endure the blatant coonification(yes I made this word up) of my people BY my people then add that to rest of the countless mistakes you've made and total yourself out somewhere around the cost of death. Your dreams have become my nightmares and it's time for us to WAKE UP! I no longer care to be associated with you. It has been moved and properly second that you no longer deserve to wear the label "Black." Time for a change! Much more to come on this issue, stay tuned.....

Women Be Talkin!

You walk in the crib and he is there, worshipping the television from a fetal position, too consumed to speak and too disinterested to care. He did this yesterday, the day before that, and all this week actually. If you're anything like me, you go straight to the bedroom, confiscate two shoes and swat at the spider you swear you saw on top of his head*side eye*. However, if you are like MOST women, you dial a friend, and before your homegirl can even say hello, you are proclaiming like a trumpet "Girl he is trippin!" DRAMA OF THE FUNKIEST KIND! Here's why. There is no situation in this world, including weight problems, drug addictions, financial indiscretions, and criminology, as sensitive as a woman and the rollercoaster she is riding with her man, or whatever title he may be wearing....she's probably called to rant about that too. The line one must walk when working the "friend" position is so very distinct but easy to miss, to the point where you almost wish you could quit the damn job.

What is a chica to do? She sings this song to you about how she can't stand his jerk like behavior and ya'll collaborate on a remix together cause you've got some of that jerk in your life too so ya'll sing and sing and sing and then, it FLOPS! All of a sudden, the joint ain't a hit no more cause she singing "I Will Always Love You" circa Whitney Houston. Now, you give it all up and resort back to gangster rap, hanging out on the corner of frustration, sipping on some "Love is for Suckas" juice because she KEEPS bringing you the problems and not following through on the solutions. You are DONE. Don't wanna hear anymore tales about Hakeem and his babymama team nor about Greg cheating with Fred and definitely not about Michael the thespian who wants to watch you get it in with a lesbian. Sounds outrageous but real, everyday women encounter these problems from the men they attach themselves to. I have yet to hear a woman say "Yes I will date him even if he's doing twenty to life and his child support payments come out of my check" but please understand there's one out there doing EXACTLY that!

Yes! Before it EVER happens to any of us we throw up protest signs and cheer about how we would NEVA, EVA-EVA-EVA take that ish. "I don't think so," should be the national slogan for the melaninated woman. Here's the reality though, these are the same sisters who you sit back and watch be mistreated by the men they choose to allow in their lives and you wonder if they have a slight touch of schizophrenia cause clearly this isn't the same person. It is and I know because I too have done things that I claimed I would never do. How does one handle this contradiction? Watching your friend do EXACTLY the mess she heavy metal screamed against before there was.....him. You simply learn to listen while keeping your opinions to yourself because one day, somewhere down the line, you will experience a reality you swore you never would. That's when you realize that life is a game that requires you to take chances. No matter how much trash you talk, you have to play the hand you are dealt. Empathize That.