Chris Brown: The OVERSung Hero

Disclaimer: I have no personal issues with Chris Brown and feel he is very valuable to the industry.
Sunday is usually reserved for hanging upside down from trees, sliding down rails, and blending in with statues. This particular week I was exposed to glimpses of the 2010 B.E.T. Awards Show. I say this with a disapproving tone because I haven’t watched B.E.T. since last year this time when I wrote the passionate post “ B.E.T. The Coonification of the Negro” after viewing Jamie Foxx’s off kilter humor, awkward M.J. tributes, and 3 foot babygirls dancing to the chorus line “I wish I could f*** every girl in the world.” I was and still am divorced. Needless to say, Black people still LOVE them some B.E.T. so every home I visited this Sunday was tuned into the show. After fleeing one place due to Low Tolerance for Niggerdom Syndrome, I ventured to yet another home and BOOM, the Chris Brown tribute to Michael Jackson exploded on me.

The name Chris Brown should bring forth scandal to the front of your mind when heard or read due to his highly publicized domestic violence incident early last year with former girlfriend Rihanna. Since this event, Chris, a very talented singer/dancer, has suffered a wooden paddle style backlash from the media, birthing these sort of debate style teams of people “for” and “against” him. To this day, if sitting with a group of poppers (pop culture subscribers) and in need of a conversation starter, one only needs to mention the name Chris Brown for hours worth of fun. Fast forward to Sunday, June 27, 2010 and Chris is given the main stage once again along with a coupon that reads “Good for salvaging your career,” and the fine print says “you must act a fool,” oops I meant cry! Maybe it wasn’t the fine print that said such, maybe it was colleagues like Lloyd (check video here at the 3:30 mark to see )  or his overly paid public relations team or his mama or possibly the devil who gave him this advice but one thing that was clear was, he fully intended for this happen.
Chris attempted to recreate three MJ performances. The first song was The Way You Make Me Feel, second song was Billie Jean, and final song was Man in the Mirror. It was during this final song, after performing dance moves that had too much Chris and not enough Michael in them, that Chris Brown proceeded to bottleneck approximately five words into the song. This wasn’t a mere “funeral service solo singing” pause. This was a full blown, twist and shout, slob slinging, suffocated breathing, pause that turned into a STOP+EJECT. It was like watching a car cough and die. Many people felt his breakdown was genuine, and some even cried along with him. I on the other hand, am not one of those people and let me tell you why:

1. It was disrespectful to Michael Jackson: Think back to the VMA performance by Janet Jackson, did she have to leave the stage? Think back to Michael’s memorial service that involved several performances by artists, did anyone there have to leave the stage? Think back to Usher singing over Michael Jackson's casket during said memorial service, did his breakdown cause him to walk off into the darkness? I would go out on a limb and say these people realized it would show more honor to Michael for them to stay strong through a moment of potential weakness. As we know Michael Jackson endured much and kept himself together through a lot of it, thus anyone desiring to honor him would do best to preserve this same spirit.
2.Performers are trained to KEEP GOING: Entertainers with the same level of prominence as Chris Brown have to subscribe to a very strong work ethic and highly professional training. Along with this comes an above average ability to “keep it together.” This is what the crowd and fans expect because after all, they came to see a performance and not one of the tantrum kind. Michael Jacksons’ death happened last year so Chris are you still really this shaken by the reality that you have to slobber on stage? I think not.
3. Too Beneficial to his career to stage a breakdown: Imagine sitting in a jail cell dumbfounded by what got you there and someone comes along and says “Hey, I’ve got this key here and I’ll give it to you but every employee will lose their job if you take it.” Would you take the key? Maybe you wouldn’t but a lot of people would. In their mind, they get more than others lose so seizing the opportunity is practically impossible to avoid. The key for Chris was showing the world how sensitive and heartfully sorry he is through the shedding of tears, while MJ, the innocent employee is not given a fair and deserving tribute. Plus most people will think it was ALL for MJ, that Michael Jackson was just so great, Chris Brown couldn’t contain himself, unless they stopped to think about how over-the-top this was.


Again, Chris is an EXCEPTIONAL dancer and singer. I would never withhold that from him. As a sensitive and loyal MJ fan, I just wish this tribute would've been more about the King of Pop and less about Chris Brown's personal demons/career rehabilitation and if you expect me to believe he was serious then...

People Speak! on Cheating

Often times you have heard LOVE equated to a game and howbeit somewhat inappropriate, the metaphor has it's truths. In love, there are risks involved, it requires much effort, and practice is a necessity. However the difference is that in theory, love shouldn't produce losers but in practice it does, just as in gaming. Perhaps we should deal with this disparity between theory and practice as it is usually responsible for failed relationships.You might be thinking, "that's not true" and just in case YOU were right, I went to the twreeets (streets of Twitter) with this week's People Speak! topic which is none other than CHEATING! How did we get from love to cheating? Well if love is a game, cheating is definitely the upperhand maneuver that can cause one to lose and the other to win. Let's GO!

Question:Dear Men, in terms of ur significant other, what kind of behavior would u consider CHEATING?

kidnoble @Fly11 physical action...or emotional attachment. I guess anything that could be considered a sexual advance. I'm ok with my s/o flirting somewhat, but not in front of me.
mrpittman @Fly11 kissing & sex is cheating...lol...so are handjobs, blowjobs, massages, & anything else u know ur significant other would kill u for. Do unto others....I wouldn't want my diamond girl texting or flirting another person so I wouldn't do it either.
NastyDre @Fly11 any inappropriate flirting. Touching. Phone convos..txt. dates
Beaker1982 @Fly11 having sexual relations,no intercousre or foreplay and we can add no kissing either  
JOsceola @Fly11 I think cheating is more than just the physical aspect.. If ur woman is attracted to AND is consistantly ...
FashionLIFE @Fly11 an emotional attachment. nothing is worse than knowing your significant other holds feelings for someone other than you. 

ZachSteez @Fly11 anything that violates the stated or unstated agreement you have with eachother.  
TokenBlaqPoet @Fly11 Anything that is done with someone else, that should be done with me. Parameters are set on an individual basis.  
Jamaicanbwoydre @Fly11 Anything that you would'nt do,or would make u think twice about doin it in front of your significant other is tantamount to cheating. 
Diggame @Fly11 Going to say its gotta be emotional connection actually...cause I know if a woman has that its done. If a dude has your chick mind its over....pimpin 101...lol
MisterTubbs @Fly11 any physical interaction you wouldn't do with you brother and mental as well.
therealamaru @Fly11 Having an emotional attachment to another man other then a sibling...  
joebiam @Fly11 Cheating is defined to me by foresaking attention due your significant other and giving it to someone else.Cheating isn't merely a physical act. Emotional cheating is more common and damaging...
MrValentineiv @Fly11. Constant phone calls to the same guy, who is supposed to be her "friend." 2 to 4 hour conversations on the phone.      
Thinx19 @Fly11 i think anything that you feel the need to conceal from your sig other is cheating  
Calls_The_Storm @Fly11 Sex, oral sex, kissing, phone sex, making out, and anything she feels the need to lie about.  
Lboogie13 @Fly11 Going on dates and having emotional flings with the next person(man/woman)  CatchUpMustard seeking another mans attention emotionally or intellectually, consistant flirting; physically or electronically, posting promiscuous pics, entertaining men that she knows wants to disrespect her relationship, intimacy w/ another & any type of sexual encounter. 
PRIMALDATA: @Fly11 f*** somebody not named me.Flirting is fine,ppl can have a meal, yadda yadda. If u start dating some1 else cheating.
VeRBOnline @Fly11 hmm..if its anything u know u cant do with someone else in front of your partner without them getting upset, then its cheating..  
1ALScrib  It's about respect! No matter how wmn see it, men see flirting as disrespect. If a "competitor" knows a mans wmn will flirt w/ him, IN HIS MIND he has an edge over that man. A more powerful thing than I believe wmn realize. A man should be sure&confident.
SamTecle @Fly11 Cheating would be of course anything that's understood as intimate between us and specifically for our relationship..*shrugs* trust me not thebl best person to ask this lol

In Other Words: Many men applied the "if you wouldn't do it in front of me don't do it at all" test. This has a broad range of possibilities. Some couples engage in very flirtatious behaviors with others in plain view of their mate and find this to be perfectly acceptable while other couples sit, watch, and scoff at them. In any case, it seems they are very concerned about their woman's intentions, which can be hard to discern. What left me in shock was the emotional attachment piece that most men seemed to mention. Men seem to have a much higher standard than I was expecting and mostly because of the behaviors they often exhibit but tell their significant others not to take it seriously. As a result, I was expecting their standards for cheating to be a bit more liberal. Still some men provided what I thought was a very free-thinker-ish response and that was an acknowledgement that couples should determine their own rules. Let's see what the women thought.

Question: Dear Women, in terms of your significant other, what behavior would YOU consider cheating?

Stls_Best @Fly11 Anything that you cannot do openly, knowingly in front of your significant other is cheating
MicheMo @Fly11 cheating is anything u do with the opposite sex that you wouldn't do if your sig-o was standing right next to u 
cartellasilk @Fly11 i would break up over sex or oral sex given... but kiss or just oral sex recvd i need a great gift and imma bring it up here n there
Dyferent0 @Fly11 sex is consiered cheating off top. Anything that he feels he has to hide from me, I look at it as cheating. I'm a pretty lax person
TiMyVe @Fly11 NEthing u have 2 sneak around doing w/opposite sex & can't tell your sig other about. If it's so innocent how come u cant share w/sig  
STLDannyboi07 @Fly11 cheating is anything that's hidden involving a third party.  
FABashleyNESS @Fly11 If you have to hide it, its cheating, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.  
CatalinaByrd @Fly11 everything can be if your thoughts are inappropriate - but nothing has to be & he can have female friends if he is appropriate  
inquisitive22 @Fly11 Any activity that he feels he has 2 keep hidden or a secret from me
FoolProofDiva @Fly11 cheating means decietfully taking from me something that is rightfully mine and giving it to someone else in vain. (in 140 char.)  
LPBing @Fly11 sexting, blow jobs, getting someone pregnant...all cheating! Ha! Sexting is a problem for adults...I know a few people affected by it, I'm not one of them! Lol! 
icyhot82 @Fly11 doing or saying anything w/ a woman behind my back that you wouldn't do in my face could be considered cheating...  
saucy_scribe @Fly11 staring at a chic across the room the entire night. He's cheating mentally!  

In Other Words: Women too have very high standards when it comes to what one canNOT do while in a relationship. However, much of it was vague. This is not necessarily problematic as we see both genders believe that couples need freedom to determine what is and is not acceptable for them. Interestingly enough, fewer women cited sexual activity as cheating. I would venture to say the rest of these women also place sex on the "you mustn't do" list.This was a difficult question for only 140 characters. Mental cheating is what Ms.Saucy_scribe described but how can one truly know when someone is mentally cheating? It's very difficult to explain and even more difficult to justify. Nonetheless, women clearly believe that cheating goes far beyond physical contact and extends itself into areas as intimate as your fantasies. In contrast to the men, women did not mention emotional attachment. Women focused far more on "actions" and were slightly more vague in their responses than men. 

My Copper Pieces: People, both male and female have significantly high standards for their mates,ones that almost seem impossible when considering how people behave in practice. It is very common for married and "spoken for" people to blend in with single people. Interesting it is indeed to see men recite such definitions of cheating when typical male behavior in society resembles something quite different. Clearly, men and women understand what the popular definition of cheating is however there seems to be a discrepancy between their understanding of these standards and their adherence to them. It seems, from my experience, these are things people want the OTHER person to do while giving themselves room to do just a little bit more.  

Many of the definitions above relate to emotional fulfillment. Research has consistently proven that the biggest factor in committing crimes of infidelity is emotional need. Typically the problems in the relationship begin with the communication, both verbal and nonverbal between the two people. The physical act of sex is merely a manifestation of the emotional disconnect that already exists, which has a lot to do with why 70% of people did not know their partner was or had been cheating on them. When the emotional connection is strong, it is virtually impossible for one of the parties to breach the relationship agreements without it being felt. Statistics show that over half of married men + women will cheat at some point during their marriage. This is a large percentage of people who are lying. 

Quite Frankly, the majority of people are doing a not so good job at maintaining relationships. Please note I said "majority" as in "not everybody but a whole lot of somebodies." We are bitterly aware of the problem as it persistently haunts us via television, music, books, family, friends, and personal experiences. What we must come to discuss is a solution. Two possibilities surface in my mind 1) Multi-million dollar campaign on not getting lazy in relationships or 2) change the rules of the game to fit the players. Crass? Yes. However, both options are a reflection of the reality for most people. My premise is simple, most of the people are not doing things as society expects so why are our expectations still the same? Logically, something must change and if the people who play the game are not willing to change then maybe it's time for the rules to change. Thus the more and more popular each day option of polyamorous relationships. I'm coming to a point in life where "controlled sharing" is more appealing to me than "behind my back sharing." What matters most in my world is KNOWING what rules my partner is playing by so that I can make an informed decision on whether or not I want to do the same. Being the practitioner, while dating the theorists has become old.

 

People Speak on: Weave!

Good day people who have the beautiful gift of reading! I am starting a new series on my blog which will be referred to as "People Speak!" What I enjoy more than writing, more than teaching, MORE THAN FASHION (cleanse the shock from your face) is listening to people talk. I LOVE asking questions and getting right into the mind of others which of course is the most stylish thing you'll ever wear....solely my opinion.

Here's how People Speak! goes. I ask a question on Twitter (follow me at FLY11 if you want in on this) and I post the responses I get right here on my blog. That's not all though. I infuse my commentary into the responses and conclude with MY opinion...finally a place where I can have the last word *smile* . If you missed out on the Twitter session, feel free to leave your response in the comments section. This blogs People Speak! topic is Weave. And here we go!

Weave, in the black community, is that little stack of mail that you push under the other mail. You don't want to open it but you know it's there. We are in no hurry to get to this conversation as it causes much debate among us. Despite it's controversy, the popularity of wearing weave is rising like we pray the stock market would. This topic is a source of anguish for many because honestly, no other ethnic group of women go through such lengths (literally) with their hair. Most women in the world today wear their own hair, except black American women. The question has to arise in the mind of all people, what is the cause of our obessession with weave? The answer to this question is more complex than one might intially perceive and perhaps there is no one true cause but I sought to begin a conversation. My opinions exist yet they are flexible and capable of being influence by the knowledge of others thus I questioned the people . 'Twas an enlightening experience. My inquiry began among black men in an effort to see if this trend was being reinforced by them. Here's what they said.  





Question: Dear Men pick one...u prefer women with their own natural hair(str8 or not), weave, or it doesn't matter?
kidnoble @Fly11 #naturalhair
GottaGo2SLEEP @Fly11 hair.. long as it's well kept it doesnt really matter
soulsupreme @Fly11 natural hair(str8 or not)
STLDannyboi07 @Fly11 I'll reply as a lesbian it doesn't matter as long as its well kept.  
Thegr8godslayer @Fly11 all natural for me. I HATE weave!
ad702 @Fly11 natural, hate weave
Beaker1982 @Fly11 natural  
eyanj @Fly11 eyan hates the weave. HATES IT
joebiam@Fly11 Natural, processed or whatever doesn't matter as long as it's clean and has a sense of organization...
Lboogie13 @Fly11 It don't matter as long as you know how to make it work, use good quality products/material, use good judgement and keep it fly!
jcrillz @Fly11 I prefer natural but I wouldn't ignore a women because she has a perm/weave. I just want women who aren't hood as hell.
ntelxbeats @Fly11 Natural.
CatchUpMustard @Fly11 #iLove all natural...but I don't mind a weave..
Diggame @Fly11 Natural as much as possible. Not the biggest weave fan
TheBlackSunn @Fly11 for me natural but either way beauty is beauty
dingane1 @fly11 i prefer natural hair.
Calls_The_Storm @Fly11 Natural hair 9 times out of ten.
NelfiNova @Fly11 Own Hair
Lil_Vern @Fly11 It doesn't matter. But she can't be talking down about another woman's hair if she's weaved out (or needs to be)
mosaeus @Fly11 natural > anything else.
franklanzkie Doesnt matter to me..... @Fly11
HeavyHand @Fly11 I like all Natural!
NativeSun803 @Fly11 I prefer a woman with her own hair. Extensions are acceptible when worn in certain braided styles though.

In Other Words: Not one man said they PREFERRED weave. Slightly more said their preference was a woman who wears her own hair but still many of them didn't seem to mind either way provided her mane is well maintained. Our men, by their own admission, like OUR hair to be our own however, I wonder if there would've been a decline in this opinion had I not linked "straight" hair with the natural option. Had the question been between a woman with straight hair or a woman with her hair in it's natural nappy state, I would venture to say many men would pick straight over nappy. This led me to then inquire of women about their reasoning for wearing weave since clearly it seems men don't care much and here's what I got.

Question: Dear Women, I wanna hear from you. If you wear weave what are some reasons why? If you don't wear weave what are some reasons?  
amoney1913 @Fly11 I've worn weave off n on the past 6months while my hair was in a grow back stage after I went short for a while...it was convenient
silenceisloud @Fly11 I don't wear weave because I want to be able to run my fingers through my hair, interrupted only by naps. :)  
TiMyVe @Fly11 I wore weave 2 help grow out my relaxer or will wear weave when I get tired of fightin w/it during the summer months bcuz of humidity
FABashleyNESS @fly11 i weave because its convienent. my hair grows healthier n faster.  
BoujisDuchess @Fly11 I av mad luv 4 weave cuz I've got a huge fro n its hard to maintain daily plus am nt putting NO chemicals in my Hair cnt stand d hurt
_Jerz @Fly11 I've worn weave for a few months but I felt fake, so I stopped. Plus having something on my head 24/7 is uncomforable.
teacuppstarr @_Jerz @Fly11 I wear weave from time to time for effect.. I would put in a 22-24 inch quick weave for body and length  
FoolProofDiva @Fly11 I wear them to diversify my look. I love switching it up every now and then. And I love my natural hair too!
cartellasilk @Fly11 long hair for me makes me for more feminine so probably to feel more feminine..which is why I lokd to get length 
ASisther @Fly11 Now I add hair for fullness, grow out a style or for something different. No shame in my game  
MicheMo @Fly11 I can rock my hair with or without weave. Mainly because I just like to keep it fresh and rock something (cont) http://tl.gd/1kss4s
teemichelle @Fly11 I don't wear weave, I don't see the point putting something in my head that mean more maintenance. Wrap it, flip it, tie it down  
MentalOrgasm @Fly11 I wore weave once. In 3rd grade. It was to "thicken" my braids & make them last longer. I don't know (cont) http://tl.gd/1kt240  
LPBing @Fly11 I don't wear weave cause I can't afford the real indian remy, too lazy & I don't like fake hair
AnointedPromise @Fly11 only when I get braids...otherwise I'm content with the length and fullness of my very own hair.
shercole @Fly11 no weave that requires too much work for me lol I'm hair lazy  
WritingAddict @Fly11 Girl I am a reformed weaveaholic, I wore it b4 I knew my own beauty, I am naturally free and have a lot more spending $$ to boot 
lizditz @Fly11 No, because I'm white and have thin, limp hair. It would look dumb  
Cali_B @Fly11 my answer:.. Hair is an accessory. Wearing weave or wigs does not reflect on who I AM as a person, just my style 

In Other Words: The majority of responses came from women who wear weave which was actually perfect for me because I happen to be on the other end of the spectrum being that I've never worn it. The reasons each woman supplied ranged from convenience to freedom of expression to enhancing fullness/volume of hairstyle and even adding length to appear more feminine showed up on the list. Every single reason given made logical sense.

My Copper Pieces: Black people, men and women alike, LOVE straight hair....a style and condition that simply is not conducive to the kinkiness of our strands. Our hair texture and strand composition is unlike any other ethnic group in existence...a blessed uniqueness. The problem is that in THIS world, where many people have hair unlike ours, there aren't a variety of images or ideas on how to style the strength in our coils. Thus many women find themselves uneducated on what to do with hair that is NOT straight. 

Frankly, we've lost the love for playing with OUR hair and have engaged in a battle of taming it. It is true, straight hair is easier to wear when your knowledge base of hairstyles require, well...straightened hair. Aside from pigtails, cornrows, or afros many Black American women would have no clue as to what to do with their hair if they were forced to wear it in it's natural nappy state(a la No Madam CJ Walker). Our standard of beauty has been compromised by the media. In an uncertain space and time, we swappedownership of our uniqueness for conformity. 

For the record, I agree, wearing weave probably does make straight hair styles easier to maintain, kinky hair easier to control...that makes sense. I just wonder what our world would be like if our cultural norm consisted of wearing our hair texture just as it is directly from the scalp...if nappiness were on every station, corner, magazine, and advertisement. If this were a world were we didn't find our natural hair difficult to manage, if we were taught from childhood how to care for and style our hair.  Love ya'll and thank you for participating! Feel free to continue the discussion below.